Thirteen years ago, I lost a pregnancy at 12 weeks pregnant. I cried, and I was sad, but I moved on. For whatever reason, I was ok.
Three years ago, I found out I was pregnant again. It was terrible timing, the product of a long unhealthy relationship, and I was considering terminating because I already had 4 children as a single mom. And then I lost my baby. And it hurt. It hurt more than I can explain physically and emotionally, and no one knew. I grieved alone, and I grieve alone still. Every November when the day looms, I cry and walk on eggshells around my own emotions.
In the beginning it felt like sharing my loss might take away from someone else’s joy or make others uncomfortable, or that I might break in two, but as I became able to share, I found it felt a little better. Being able to tell another grieving mom that I know how much it hurts, seeing the relief wash over her when she knows she isn’t alone has helped me realize how important it is to talk about my loss. Healing comes in many forms, and one of the greatest forms of healing comes through sharing. Sharing a cup of coffee in silence, sharing a quiet hug, sharing tears, sharing laughter, sharing the memory.
If you have someone in your life that has lost a pregnancy or infant, let them know they are safe to share. Don’t pretend that it didn’t happen, because it did. Honor the memory of their lost little one, and love them with the parents who lost them. October is National Pregnancy and Infant Awareness Month. Take time this month to share your story, or reach out to someone who may need to share. It is time to end the silence. – Sonia